Routine

Sometimes I feel like I'm falling into a routine. I don't want my relationship with God to be in any way forced, because it doesn't seem real. I need to move outside of my comfort zone more often and really do things for God. I don't want to do all of those thing because I know I should be doing them. I want to pray, read my bible, and do good things because I want to.

I usually pray before I go to sleep because I grew up as a kid doing that. I'm now trying to pray throughout the day, whenever the moment strikes me, rather than just at the 'designated times'. Instead of sitting around and being crabby when I'm stressed out I'll try to pick up my bible to find guidance...but I want to do more. I want to truly live my life in a way that would make God proud of me.

God, as a Father, is just like any parent. This means that I should be trying to please Him in everything I do. Every thought that I have and everything that I do shouldn't be something that I would be ashamed of my parents hearing or seeing, and I shouldn't let God see me that way either.

I've also been trying lately to do something that I've never done before. I'm being open about my faith. I always told myself that I kept my feelings about God to myself because it was personal, now I'm not so sure. I wonder if I wasn't just embarrassed before. Maybe I was scared of how other people would see me. Not even people who don't believe in God. I'm not scared of non-christians knowing about my faith. I'm scared of other Christians looking down on me for what I believe.

Not anymore.

I need to be completely open about my faith with everyone else, if I'm going to be able to grow in it. I can't grow with God if I don't let the people around me in. I can't help other people to grow with God if I'm not open about it. What kind of Christian would that make me?

I think I need to get right down to it and take a good look at myself. How can I expect to have a proper relationship with God if I'm lying to myself? I'll tell myself so much that something I'm doing is right and ok, that I'll begin to believe it. It has to stop...


This blog is sort of a mess, I have so many thoughts in my head that I'm having trouble completing them. They're all just fragments of a bigger picture that I'm not quite seeing yet.