Before marriage...I've been thinking a lot about it lately. I always thought that I would be the person to wait until I'm married to have sex, I always wanted that for myself. So far, that's been the case. At 19 I'm still a virgin and so is my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years.
The thing is, Tyler and I do plan on getting married, but not for at least two or three years (probably more). We also plan on moving out together sometime in the next six months. This is where the questions start.
When I was younger I wanted to wait until I was married to have sex because that's what the bible says and what God says. As I got older I got the idea into my head that
I want the first person that I have sex with to be the last person I have sex with. That is one of the most important things to me. The question is though, should I wait until I'm married to have sex, or wait to have sex until I've found the person that I know I'm going to spend the rest of my life with?
There is not a single doubt in my mind that this man is Tyler. I love him more than words can even express, more than my mind can comprehend. He is everything that I want and need and is so much more than that to me. But, in God's eyes, is that good enough? If I know that I'm in love with him and we are going to move out and start our lives together, is that good enough? Do I really need to make it legal and have a pastor tell me so?
Should I wait a few years until we can afford to get married, or should I wait until we move in together and consider that married? Also, after (6 months or a year I'm not sure) we are, by law, married, is that good enough? Is it good enough for me? For God? I don't know.
I guess the real question that I'm asking myself is, what exactly is marriage? We all know that the traditional marriage comes with an expensive: ceremony, pastor, party and honeymoon, but does it have to be all of that? If two people love each other, know that they are going to stay together, and are living together, should that not (religiously speaking) be considered married enough?
Maybe God would rather that I wait to move out until I am married, but that, in this day and age doesn't make sense. I love this man and for us to move forward in our lives, we need to move out of our parent's homes and be together under one roof. But, we can't afford to get married, or even engaged at the moment.
I think that being in love and living together is enough. It's not like I'm jumping in the sack with some random like a lot of girls my age (and younger!) have done. I've put a lot of serious thought into this because I don't want to have sex and end up feeling guilty or resentful about it. I know that this is a huge step in my life, but I think I'm ready. In my eyes, all of this is enough, but is it enough for God? Will He be upset with me for not waiting, or will He understand?
I wish I had someone to talk about this with...
