Before marriage...I've been thinking a lot about it lately. I always thought that I would be the person to wait until I'm married to have sex, I always wanted that for myself. So far, that's been the case. At 19 I'm still a virgin and so is my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years.
The thing is, Tyler and I do plan on getting married, but not for at least two or three years (probably more). We also plan on moving out together sometime in the next six months. This is where the questions start.
When I was younger I wanted to wait until I was married to have sex because that's what the bible says and what God says. As I got older I got the idea into my head that I want the first person that I have sex with to be the last person I have sex with. That is one of the most important things to me. The question is though, should I wait until I'm married to have sex, or wait to have sex until I've found the person that I know I'm going to spend the rest of my life with?
There is not a single doubt in my mind that this man is Tyler. I love him more than words can even express, more than my mind can comprehend. He is everything that I want and need and is so much more than that to me. But, in God's eyes, is that good enough? If I know that I'm in love with him and we are going to move out and start our lives together, is that good enough? Do I really need to make it legal and have a pastor tell me so?
Should I wait a few years until we can afford to get married, or should I wait until we move in together and consider that married? Also, after (6 months or a year I'm not sure) we are, by law, married, is that good enough? Is it good enough for me? For God? I don't know.
I guess the real question that I'm asking myself is, what exactly is marriage? We all know that the traditional marriage comes with an expensive: ceremony, pastor, party and honeymoon, but does it have to be all of that? If two people love each other, know that they are going to stay together, and are living together, should that not (religiously speaking) be considered married enough?
Maybe God would rather that I wait to move out until I am married, but that, in this day and age doesn't make sense. I love this man and for us to move forward in our lives, we need to move out of our parent's homes and be together under one roof. But, we can't afford to get married, or even engaged at the moment.
I think that being in love and living together is enough. It's not like I'm jumping in the sack with some random like a lot of girls my age (and younger!) have done. I've put a lot of serious thought into this because I don't want to have sex and end up feeling guilty or resentful about it. I know that this is a huge step in my life, but I think I'm ready. In my eyes, all of this is enough, but is it enough for God? Will He be upset with me for not waiting, or will He understand?
I wish I had someone to talk about this with...
1 comment:
Sex pressures us all. Oh man...does it ever. I've considered it too. But you're right, God calls us to remain pure until we are married. What is marriage exactly though? The ultimate COMMITTMENT between two people. It is also a mirror of God's committment and love for us. I totally feel and understand your frustration on this issue and your longing to have sex with Tyler. I mean, after 4.5 years, who wouldn't!!! But I also can't believe how strong you've been, and the fact that you havent done it yet amazes me. Not because I didn't think you could, but so many don't wait. And because you said Tyler wants to, and isn't a Christian...that makes it even more amazing because it usually takes two very strong-opinionated minds who think a like for this to usually work. So kudos to you.
I know you know that Tyler is the one for you, and the one you want to marry. And I totally don't doubt you on this. But what happens for some strange reason that he isn't? And you gave yourself to him, and then when you did marry someone one day, you wouldnt be able to give him the best gift possible, you in your entirety. And if and when you DO marry Tyler, do you not want your wedding night to be something new, exciting...the most memorable night of your life? If you've waited this long, you can wait longer..and I know it's hard...but that's where God comes in. You need to be in prayer that He would strengthen you and keep you accountable. Don't compromise your values and beliefs. You have them for a reason. Let me back this up a bit for you.
Sex is a powerful force that can destroy if not used properly. Like atomic power, sex is the most powerful creative force given to man. When atomic power is used correctly it can create boundless energy; when it is used in the wrong way it destroys life. Sex is the same kind of powerful force. Sex is a gift from God to give us the greatest pleasure, to help in creating a deep companionship with one's spouse and for procreation of the next generation. But if you play with this powerful force outside the bounds of marriage, it destroys you and those close to you. Virginity is to be given to the most important person in your life, the person you committed yourself to stay with forever in marriage. Your virginity is the most precious thing you have to give to your spouse. Once you lose it, nothing in the world can bring it back.
As I said, I know you feel that you will marry Tyler..and I agree with you on this. But you NEVER KNOW. And once you give it away, you can never get it back. You can never regret something when it is used within the boundaries that it was meant.
I know you'll do the right thing. Always here for you
Andrea
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