It's been a while....

Yeah, it's been a while since I posted anything...not that anybody but me is reading this thing anyway!

Life in general has been ok. Not great, not terrible but pretty ok. My dad moved off to the states last month and I get random text messages from him every few days or so, which I enjoy. It's nice that even though he is across the next country I can still talk to him and get a hold of him whenever I want.

Everything is great with Tyler too. He's been getting a shitload of hours at work, so the money is flowing in nicely too. Although, we still have to fish out 200 bucks or so to chop up Shitrock's balls sometime in the next month or so.

I've been thinking a lot about my diabetes lately though.

As much as the people who love me try, the can never really understand what it's like to BE diabetic, they don't have to go through it every day and they don't know how much it can really take out of you. I mean yes, you have to worry about every single thing that you put into your mouth as well as giving yourself shots and checking blood sugars all day long. There is so much more to it that no one understands. There's a constant fear that goes along with it too. We diabetics don't want to think about it and we even make jokes about it, but there is a huge chance that our life is going to be cut short because of this disease.

We have to worry every day about the complications and issues that can come up, and much sooner than we may expect them. How many healthy people think to themselves...would I rather have kidney failure, or have my feet amputated? Whereas I have thought of all of these things and yes (as terrible as it all sounds) I would rather have kidney failure than have my feet cut off, I would rather have heart disease than go blind. What normal, healthy person has to worry about where they are going to be, healthwise, by the time they're thirty?

We have to worry every night when we go to bed, what if it gets low? What if I have a seizure tonight and don't wake up tomorrow? Being diabetic doesn't just mean checking your blood sugar and giving yourself insulin, it also means living in constant fear and worry of what your own future might hold. The doctors and all of the studies say 'if you take care of yourself, the chance of complications is lowered.' Lowered???? I check my blood sugar constantly, take my insulin at the right times and do my best to keep my sugars good and it might not even help? I might still end up with kidney failure, blindness, heart disease and having my fucking feet amputated? How is that fair?

Diabetics have a higher chance of being depressed than other people. I wonder why that is?